Xion and Pluto's Swingin' Jazz Party (No Pants Allowed)
by chickenscrews
Summary: Xion and Pluto get the castle all to themselves, so they throw a swingin' jazz party and end up on the FBI's Most Wanted list.


**Chapter One: The Part Where Things Get Swingin'**

There was a note on the refrigerator:

 _Xion,_

 _Currently stuck on the moon. Blame Demyx._

 _Please send potato chips._

 _HRRRrrrRRNNGGgg._

 _—Xemnas._

 _PS: Everyone else is here too._

Xion tilted her head at the letter and monotoned, "Huh." Then she called to the side, "Pluto, ready the cannon, please!"

The yellow dog barked in consensus and Xion reached for the top of the fridge to grab the potato chips. They met outside on the castle's balcony with their respective supplies and noticed there was the Death Star lodged into the big, heart-shaped moon-thing that was Kingdom Hearts. It must've crashed there and now it was stuck.

"Hey, what do you suppose that is?" Xion asked the doggy.

Pluto was equally confused at the Death Star and made the appropriate sounds and gestures to convey this.

Xion replied, "Well, whatever it is, it wants potato chips and we'd best appease it. Fire the cannon!"

Pluto did so and the bag of junk-food was launched into space, where it just happened to land inside the Death Star's small exhaust port and caused a chain reaction that blew it up, the fiery explosion of which illuminated the night sky and sent shockwaves rushing against the girl and her dog, also destroying Kingdom Hearts and scattering colossal chunks of moon-rock, metal, and space radiation over the world.

Xion looked to her dog, "Pluto, I think we just caused the end of the world. Let's throw a swingin' jazz party to celebrate."

At this, Xion yanked off her Organization cloak to show she was wearing only a large white dress-shirt, pink underwears with matching slippers over white calf-socks, a striped yellow-and-red tie, and a rad pair of black sunglasses which were not on her face prior to the disrobing but suddenly appeared after the fact.

Pluto had no clothing to speak of because he is a dog, but he suddenly had a matching tie in place of his collar and a duplicate pair of sable shades.

Standing as a figure of authority over the neo-noir city that was being annihilated by Kingdom Hearts and Death Star chunks, Xion placed a slipper-laden foot atop the balcony railing (with Pluto imitating her to the best of his ability and looking just as hardcore) and she proclaimed to the panicking masses with a dramatic, booming voice, "Denizens of the World that Never Was: our planet is being demolished by cosmic forces instigated by a righteous demand for potato chips! As your new leader, I declare that we shall use these last hours to throw a swingin' jazz party, the likes of which no Nobody has ever known! No pants are allowed!"

A legion of celebratory trumpets instantly appeared from within the windows of every surrounding building, blaring soulful jive and a cosmos of confetti across the previously depressed streets which were now lively and dynamic. Every which way, there were swing-dancing Dusks and Shadows and all other configurations of henchmen-being that threw and shook their bodies at the frenzied tempo's command in glorious worship of the potato-chip-instigated apocalypse and the swingin' jazz party that came with it. None of them wore pants.

Precisely on cue, Monstro descended from the sky, dressed in appropriate jazz attire—which did not include pants—with a boss drum set of monolithic proportions, and when the great whale with his soul patch landed, he opened his mouth to allow the throngs of passengers within to burst free onto the scene, and riding atop the surging wave of dancing jazz-lovers was tie-wearing and trumpet-blaring Oogie Boogie and his trio of ankle-biting trick-or-treaters that completed his musical quartet. None among the whale's company wore pants either, for that would be sacrilege.

Soon, not even the buildings or the streetlights wore pants, and they were all in their underwears too.

Xion looked upon her work and saw that it was good.

She and Pluto hopped on a grind rail that was conveniently there and slid on their slippers from the castle balcony to the lively streets below, where all were joyous and bloodstreams bubbled dangerously to the intensity of the music, but it was the fun sort of bubbling, so no one complained.

Xion called to the lead performer on the stage that was Monstro's tongue, "Oogie Boogie, my main man, what's your stitchy butt doin' here?"

And Oogie replied between wicked saxophone shreddings, "Oh, darlin' you _know_ I could never pass up a swingin' jazz party! Now get yo' butts up here!"

And so Xion and Pluto hopped onstage and played their instruments which they suddenly had with the band. Xion elevated the crowd to undiscovered planes of trumpety goodness while Pluto pumped pizzazz into their souls by way of a big ol' double bass. Monstro went to town on his gargantuan drum set that shook bones and vibrated teeth with every slam of a stick on timpani, and each strike of a cymbal shattered windows and spilled fountains of lint from unsupervised bellybuttons.

A chunk of Death Star debris smashed somebody. No one cared. He was probably a pants sympathizer.

All the pantsless dancers and musicians liked jazz a lot, but the FBI who lived just north of the doomed planet did not.

It was in the dark security room of the Space Pentagon that Cobra Bubbles watched the planet-wide party of jazzy perfection with stern disapproval, as evidenced by the evil that was his wearing pants. An ominous red telephone rang and he picked it up without taking his eyes off the monitor. He spoke into the receiver, "Yes, Grand Councilwoman. It is as we feared. Things have gotten…swingin'. …Yes, I understand. It is time for things to get… _significantly less swingin'_."


End file.
